Emotional intelligence is the set of skills that help us observe the emotions of others and then express ourselves. With the help of these skills, you build and maintain social relations and other connections. High EI skills also help you cope with work/life challenges and make better decisions. 

Daniel Goleman, the author of “Emotional Intelligence” states that high EI is a predictor of success in life and work. He states that people with high EI do well in all areas of life. On the other hand, people with low EI struggle with their emotions. It affects the clarity of their mind and hampers the quality of their life. Another EI expert, Travis Bradbury also confirms this. He found that more than 90% of top performers have high EI skills. Daniel Goleman also divides EI into 4 types or pillars. Let’s have a look at these four types of EI below. 

Click here if you want to know more about EI for children: What is Emotional Intelligence? For its detailed benefits click here: Importance of Emotional Intelligence

What are the Four Pillars of EI? 

Daniel Goleman in his book divides EI into four types/pillars. 

The first two types focus on you and how well you know about yourself. The last two types focus on how you relate to others. Let’s have a deeper look at these pillars below.  

1. Self-Awareness 

It means how much you understand yourself as a person and how you connect with the world at large. It means being aware of your feelings and emotions within yourself. It is about knowing what makes you feel happy, sad, or proud, among other emotions and feelings. When you understand your emotions, it allows you to manage yourself better. When you understand what motivates you and makes you work, then only you understand others. This factor also helps you guide yourself in life.

Without being self-aware, you cannot think in a rational way and apply yourself to the tasks and goals you want to achieve. Being self-aware is the core of high EI and the base over which the rest of the EI pillars are built. It lets you know your strengths and weaknesses and ways to manage them. You understand emotions better and how they affect you and others. Without it, you cannot master self-control and relate to others. It is what you call, the “right gut feeling”. In other words, it helps you observe others and make better decisions based on these inputs. 

2. Self-management/ Self-Control 

Self-control is your talent to better manage your impulses and reactions. It helps you control your emotions and face your fears and challenges. It helps you think clearly and, on your feet, to make better work and life decisions. To manage your emotions does not mean you deny them. What it means is to understand the emotions and know how they affect you. Instead of blind reaction, think calmly and choose how to act. Then respond in a way that gives positive results. Self-control has yet another meaning. It also means directing yourself towards a goal without getting distracted. You think about the long-term goals and how to achieve them. You ignore the hardships or issues you are facing now for better future results.  

3. Social-Awareness

Social awareness means how you react to different social situations and modify your response to get the best results. It means being aware of the world around you and knowing it better. It teaches you to use empathy to connect with others. It means how to understand the emotions, concerns, and needs of others. It is the skill to pick on the nonverbal cues of others and understand them. This helps you form your response. Now you know how to interact with others and deliver your message in the right way. 

4. Relationship Management 

The last type of EI is how you respond to the emotions of others and connect with them. You pay attention to the emotions and responses of others. This helps you predict how others will react and plan for it. You adjust your words while they are spoken. You also adjust your body and nonverbal cues to get the best response from others. It is your skill to resolve conflicts and build positive connections with others. It makes you understand and use emotion. You use these to interact with others and persuade them. It is how you build strong bonds and influence others. 

How to Build the Four Pillars of EI

Building your social and EI skills helps you understand and manage your feelings better. It also helps you better understand others and their feelings too. You can use this know-how to grow and enhance yourself. It also helps you manage others and get a positive response out of them. There are several ways you can work on these four pillars. Here are some ways to improve and build on the four pillars of EI.

1. Understand what triggers are. Understand how they impact your and others’ feelings and emotions.

2. Ask for feedback from others you trust. Ask them how you manage your emotions and feelings. Honest feedback pinpoints the blind spots you have. Use these in a positive manner to grow into a better yourself.

3. Listen to others in an active manner. Give them your full attention. Also, deeply observe the non-verbal cues and vocal inflections. Then only form your response.

4. Do deep breathing, yoga, and other relaxation practices. It helps you keep a clear mind and manage your emotions.

5. Keep others’ needs and feelings in mind. Practice empathy. Read more on EI to keep up with the new info and research.

6. Start writing a daily diary. Keep a record of your feelings and responses. Also, write how you acted towards others. Write what you could have done to improve it. Revise and reflect to understand your actions better. Work on your strengths and weaknesses to become a better you.

7. You can also work with a coach to better assess your EI skills. An EI coach will help you gain insight into your EI profile. They will also help you improve your skill gaps.

The best way to improve your EI is to make an active choice to do it and commit to it. What you choose to say, do, behave and react makes a real difference in this field. 

Click here if you want to learn about how to raise a child with high EI. Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child

Final Thoughts

So, these are the four pillars of EI. These skills help you understand yourself as well as others. It helps you manage your emotions and get the best of others. Work on these four pillars of EI to become a better version of yourself. High EI skills help you survive the challenges life throws at you. It allows you to learn from these challenges, prepare for your future and come out stronger. 

Emotional intelligence is the set of skills that help us observe the emotions of others and then express ourselves. With the help of these skills, you build and maintain social relations and other connections. High EI skills also help you cope with work/life challenges and make better decisions. 

Daniel Goleman, the author of “Emotional Intelligence” states that high EI is a predictor of success in life and work. He states that people with high EI do well in all areas of life. On the other hand, people with low EI struggle with their emotions. It affects the clarity of their mind and hampers the quality of their life. Another EI expert, Travis Bradbury also confirms this. He found that more than 90% of top performers have high EI skills. Daniel Goleman also divides EI into 4 types or pillars. Let’s have a look at these four types of EI below. 

Click here if you want to know more about EI for children: What is Emotional Intelligence? For its detailed benefits click here: Importance of Emotional Intelligence

What are the Four Pillars of EI? 

Daniel Goleman in his book divides EI into four types/pillars. 

The first two types focus on you and how well you know about yourself. The last two types focus on how you relate to others. Let’s have a deeper look at these pillars below.  

1. Self-Awareness 

It means how much you understand yourself as a person and how you connect with the world at large. It means being aware of your feelings and emotions within yourself. It is about knowing what makes you feel happy, sad, or proud, among other emotions and feelings. When you understand your emotions, it allows you to manage yourself better. When you understand what motivates you and makes you work, then only you understand others. This factor also helps you guide yourself in life.

Without being self-aware, you cannot think in a rational way and apply yourself to the tasks and goals you want to achieve. Being self-aware is the core of high EI and the base over which the rest of the EI pillars are built. It lets you know your strengths and weaknesses and ways to manage them. You understand emotions better and how they affect you and others. Without it, you cannot master self-control and relate to others. It is what you call, the “right gut feeling”. In other words, it helps you observe others and make better decisions based on these inputs. 

2. Self-management/ Self-Control 

Self-control is your talent to better manage your impulses and reactions. It helps you control your emotions and face your fears and challenges. It helps you think clearly and, on your feet, to make better work and life decisions. To manage your emotions does not mean you deny them. What it means is to understand the emotions and know how they affect you. Instead of blind reaction, think calmly and choose how to act. Then respond in a way that gives positive results. Self-control has yet another meaning. It also means directing yourself towards a goal without getting distracted. You think about the long-term goals and how to achieve them. You ignore the hardships or issues you are facing now for better future results.  

3. Social-Awareness

Social awareness means how you react to different social situations and modify your response to get the best results. It means being aware of the world around you and knowing it better. It teaches you to use empathy to connect with others. It means how to understand the emotions, concerns, and needs of others. It is the skill to pick on the nonverbal cues of others and understand them. This helps you form your response. Now you know how to interact with others and deliver your message in the right way. 

4. Relationship Management 

The last type of EI is how you respond to the emotions of others and connect with them. You pay attention to the emotions and responses of others. This helps you predict how others will react and plan for it. You adjust your words while they are spoken. You also adjust your body and nonverbal cues to get the best response from others. It is your skill to resolve conflicts and build positive connections with others. It makes you understand and use emotion. You use these to interact with others and persuade them. It is how you build strong bonds and influence others. 

How to Build the Four Pillars of EI

Building your social and EI skills helps you understand and manage your feelings better. It also helps you better understand others and their feelings too. You can use this know-how to grow and enhance yourself. It also helps you manage others and get a positive response out of them. There are several ways you can work on these four pillars. Here are some ways to improve and build on the four pillars of EI.

1. Understand what triggers are. Understand how they impact your and others’ feelings and emotions.

2. Ask for feedback from others you trust. Ask them how you manage your emotions and feelings. Honest feedback pinpoints the blind spots you have. Use these in a positive manner to grow into a better yourself.

3. Listen to others in an active manner. Give them your full attention. Also, deeply observe the non-verbal cues and vocal inflections. Then only form your response.

4. Do deep breathing, yoga, and other relaxation practices. It helps you keep a clear mind and manage your emotions.

5. Keep others’ needs and feelings in mind. Practice empathy. Read more on EI to keep up with the new info and research.

6. Start writing a daily diary. Keep a record of your feelings and responses. Also, write how you acted towards others. Write what you could have done to improve it. Revise and reflect to understand your actions better. Work on your strengths and weaknesses to become a better you.

7. You can also work with a coach to better assess your EI skills. An EI coach will help you gain insight into your EI profile. They will also help you improve your skill gaps.

The best way to improve your EI is to make an active choice to do it and commit to it. What you choose to say, do, behave and react makes a real difference in this field. 

Click here if you want to learn about how to raise a child with high EI. Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child

Final Thoughts

So, these are the four pillars of EI. These skills help you understand yourself as well as others. It helps you manage your emotions and get the best of others. Work on these four pillars of EI to become a better version of yourself. High EI skills help you survive the challenges life throws at you. It allows you to learn from these challenges, prepare for your future and come out stronger.